That's what my psychiatrist said when I told him I didn't think my basal ganglea worked properly and that I basically had no habits unless I wrote down a step-by-step morning routine the night before.
That's not what this entry is about, but it was a funny note.
What today's entry is about is frustration and forgiveness.
I'm paraphrasing, but Oprah said something to the effect of
"Forgiveness is giving up on the idea that the past can be any different than it was."
I like this idea. No one can change the past. It is what it was. There is no reason to hold the hurt and anger inside you beyond the point when it is useful.* Anger poisons. It puts a dark outline on your thoughts that confines you and stops your brain from taking good risks on people (think of how anger towards and ex can block potential love of a new person). Life is risk, but people filled with anger and hurt back away from risk.
This is why it's important to forgive.
So when I give up on the past changing (which it can't), I can let go of the anger. Yes, I can still make decisions about that person's character based on how they acted and choose not to engage with that person in the future. Forgiveness isn't about pretending the past didn't happen or didn't hurt. But it is about acknowledging reality and letting yourself and the other person move on.
But this entry is about a problem I'm having with the present. I'm having trouble accepting that the present reality of the situation can be any different than it is, and I'm frustrated because of that. I have responsibility for something that I must deliver, but I perceive that the people who have asked me to deliver it are actually blocking the successful delivery of this thing. (sorry, I have to be intentionally obtuse)
I don't know how to manage that. My primary obstacle management is brute force and persistence, but those aren't appropriate here. I'm not really sure what is appropriate. I don't want to create a contentious situation. Those never have a good outcome, because then it becomes about winning and losing. People's pride gets involved and then it turns into a battle of principles. People will stand up for principles long after it is practical to do so.
A method that I have seen work very well for my boss is what I have seen as the "what would you recommend that I do here?" method. It gives the person the opportunity to see things from your perspective in a non-confrontational way. It makes the other person an ally, not an opponent.
... this blog stuff is very helpful after all. I think I just answered my own problem.
So I guess the bottom line here is how to forgive in real time for the situation being what it is. I mean, it truly is what it is. The frustrating parts are out of my hands. They're out of other people's hands. I mean, it is just what it is. But I do have a great deal of frustration/confusion... and really, fear. I fear failing at something of which I had very little control over the outcome.
* I think anger is a useful tool to teach and remind you of lessons about a person or situation that could be repeated.