It's a bummer, 'cause I had a post about this mostly written, but now I can't find it.
Anyways, I have been doing better. Lots better. In fact, I think I can definitely say that I am not depressed anymore. Yes, I have fluctuations in mood that come with frustrations and disappointments, but I'm not struggling under them for days or weeks anymore.
It's kind of like waking up after having a terrible flu with a fever and everything, and feeling...well. You know that feeling like you're going to Do Things? Well, that. And I don't think it's mania, since I'm not staying up late or, well, yes, I did decide to pursue a hobby (photography), but I actually think that's a positive step.
I'm not doing all the things that I had been trying to do before (the list below), but I'm doing what I can manage, and honestly, that seems to be enough for now. I'm sleeping at least 8 hours every night, drinking less (if at all), eating lots of vegetables and cold-water fish (I got a 9 pack of canned sockeye salmon... it's not the greatest, but it does fulfill the recommendation of eating fish daily), and taking supplements. Monday, I'm going to the gym across the courtyard from me.
One of the things that I've come to accept is the inevitability of my feelings from before. Without a concentrated effort, there would be no way that I could go on without getting depressed. My room gets no natural light and I feel at the mercy of the moods and attitudes of others nearly every waking hour. I don't have the separation to disengage myself and just be... me. Resilliant me. Quiet me. Satisfied me. Yes, isolation is one of the side effects of depression, but I think that isolation, like sleep, is something the body does naturally to heal itself, but that our brains get stuck there. But without alone time and sleep, I don't have the "reset" button.
On that note... I wish I could write more, but I'm going to the LA Flower Market this morning and I have to get there before they close, which is soon. Yes, I'm going alone. I wanted to do something beautiful.
